LEARNING TO FLY

a ten-minute play

 

SYNOPSIS:                An elderly woman wants to take flying lessons

SETTING:                   Minimal.  Couch and table.

TIME: The present.

 

CHARACTERS:

GRAM –  Late 60’s, unassuming

PHIL               –  teenage athlete

LEE                 — Bitter, 40’s.

GAIL               –  Twenties, rational but self-centered

 

 

 

 

(Couch center and arm chair right.   Gail enters with Phil, both have a slice of pie on their own plates.  Phil heads downstage center)

 

GAIL

Oh, don’t put on the tv.

PHIL

I just want to see the scores.

GAIL

We never see Gram.  Let’s just sit and talk with her.

 

PHIL

About what?

GAIL

Anything.  Everything.  She must have stuff to talk about.   She’s got a life.

 

PHIL

Really.   It must be sooo interesting.

 

(LEE walks in with coffee)

 

GAIL
It could be.   She has years of experience, and I’m sure she’s done things other than sewing and baking.

 

PHIL

Collecting miniature figurines?   Making scrap books?  Reading mysteries?

GAIL

No pie, Mom?

LEE

Cholesterol.  My 401K goes down and my cholesterol goes up.  It’s like a geometric progression.

PHIL

A what?

LEE

I don’t know what I’m saying.  Once you hit fifty, the brain cells begin deteriorating.

GAIL

What’s his excuse?

 

PHIL

Har har.  You’re so funny.

 

(GRAM comes in with a tray)

 

GRAM

Who wants some warm milk?

 

PHIL

Warm milk?

 

GAIL

Not funny.

LEE

If you got some tequilla, I’ll go for a cup.

 

GRAM

That’s very funny.  I don’t think you drink coffee, do you Gail?

GAIL

That’s okay.  Sit down, Gramma.  We never get to see you.

GRAM

You only live twenty miles away.

 

GAIL

I know.  But we’re always running around in different directions.

 

PHIL

College takes up so much of my time.

 

GRAM

Holidays too?

 

LEE

You know, sometimes Mom… we go away or there’s always a wedding or a first communion or something.  I have too many friends.

 

PHIL

You should do something about that.

 

GAIL

Hire a hit man.

 

 

 

LEE
Way too many relatives.  You don’t invite them for a few years to anything and you think you’re free.  Then someone dies and you see them at the funeral and you have to exchange emails and the whole cycle begins again.

 

GRAM

You know, I like that email.  I write to the girls in my quilting club.

 

GAIL

Oh, that’s real nice.  It’s good you have social clubs and friends.

 

GRAM

I volunteer at the hospital to read to the sick children.

 

PHIL

That’s really great, Grams.  Is there more pie?  (heads to the table)

 

GRAM
And I’m taking flying lessons.

 

GAIL

What kind of flying?

 

PHIL
This pie is really great.

 

GAIL

Wait…. Did you hear what she said?

 

PHIL
I wasn’t listening.

 

LEE

I stopped listening a few years ago.

 

GRAM

I’m taking flying lessons.  Every other Friday.  I take my plane up for about thirty minutes, and I’m landing now.  It’s very challenging.

 

PHIL

You’re flying a real airplane?

 

GAIL

Mom, do you know about this?

 

LEE

Yes.    Let the woman fly.   Birds do it.   Bees do it.

 

GAIL

Grams, why are you flying a plane?

 

GRAM

It’s kind of fun.

 

GAIL
Fun?

 

PHIL

But Grams, flying a plane?

 

GAIL

You now what’s a lot of fun?  Mah-jong.

 

GRAM
It’s not a jumbo jet.  It’s just a two seater.

 

PHIL
Understood.  It’s just… you’re old.

 

GRAM
No older than my plane.

 

GAIL
What?

 

GRAM
It’s been refurbished.  And painted.  They fixed the broken wing.

 

GAIL
Just how old is your plane?

 

LEE
Mom, you follow your bliss.  Don’t listen to these two.  And don’t forget, we have some papers to sign later.

 

GRAM
(to Gail)
Don’t mind her.  I’m outliving my life insurance despite her plans.

 

LEE
We’ll see.

 

GAIL
Gramma, you’re doing something that’s totally dangerous.

 

GRAM
Flying is safer than driving.

 

GAIL
Maybe a seven forty-seven, but not a Snoopy plane.

 

GRAM
There are no propellers.  I was surpised too that I didn’t have to go out, pull on the prop and yell Contact!

 

PHIL
Grams, let me see something.  Catch this.

 

(He takes a nerf ball or small stuffed animal from the table, tosses it at Grams.  The ball hits Grams in the forhead, at which time she puts her hands together showing poor coordination.)

 

GRAM

Oh my.  Let’s go two out of three.

 

GAIL

This is serious.

 

GRAM

You have plenty of time in the plane to react.

 

GAIL

JFK Junior crashed his plane!

 

LEE

I would have liked to have his insurance.

 

GAIL

You had a great life, a family that loves you.   I promise you’ll have grandchildren in a few years if that’s the beef.

 

GRAM

(stands, perturbed)

Phil, did I ever say you shouln’t play football?   Cause it’s too dangerous?

 

PHIL:

You might have.  I probably didn’t pay attention.

 

GRAM

And Gail, you live alone in the city.   Don’t tell me it’s safe.

 

GAIL

So what is this about, you want to do dangerous stuff like we do?

 

GRAM

No.

 

GAIL

Cause that’s pretty juvenile.

 

GRAM

Juvenile?  My, I feel so young.

 

LEE

I know what it is.  All your life you’ve been a good little girl… you listened to your father and did what he wanted.  Then there was dad, dominating your life.  And now he’s gone and you want to do something wild.

 

GRAM

I’ve done plenty of wild things.

 

LEE

Oh yeah, you’re a regular time bomb.

 

GRAM

When you were seven, do you remember Uncle Earl?

 

LEE

Oh yeah.   What happened to him?

 

GRAM

And uncle Phil?   And Uncle Pete?

 

LEE

What are you saying…  they weren’t relatives?!

 

GAIL

What?

GRAM

And the summer Dad said I went to summer camp?

 

 

 

LEE

Right,  summer camp.   Where were you?

GRAM

Vegas.

 

LEE

Doing what?

 

GRAM

Dancing…. And other things.

 

PHIL

Is anyone gonna finish this piece?

 

GAIL

A dancer?    You didn’t have much training.

GRAM

I wasn’t that good.  I liked the mombo.

 

LEE

Good Lord no.

 

GRAM

(puts a hand on her stomach and shakes)

Day-o

 

PHIL

Gram?   Are you okay?

 

LEE

I made those uncles…  those men…holiday cards.

 

GRAM

You were always so artistic.

 

LEE

That isn’t the point.

 

GRAM

(Still keeps momboing)

I remember the summer of love, well, I only remember some of it.   It’s all such a blur now.  I was only half conscious most of the time.

 

LEE

No wonder why I’m so messed up.

 

GAIL

Gramma, why?   You had a daughter.  You had a husband.  It seems so… selfish.   And so horrible of you to do that to your family.

 

GRAM

Yes.   I was horrible.  I was wild and selfish.   I had my ups and downs.   Just cause I’m old now, doesn’t mean that I want to be.   It stinks being old.

 

PHIL

I’m sure there’s special soaps you can use.

 

(All look to him with disgust)

 

GRAM

No use apologizing.   I’ve done plenty of that.   And I’m not going to anymore.

 

GAIL

(to LEE)

How come we never knew this?

 

LEE

I didn’t even know all this.  Right now, if her skin peeled off and she was a pod underneath, I wouldn’t be all that surprised.

 

GRAM

Well, it’s me.   It was always me.

 

GAIL
Oh well.  I guess we all just have to roll with it, right?

 

PHIL

Yeah, it’s no big deal.   So what other new things you got planned?

 

LEE
I think she’s already told you plenty.   Don’t encourage her.

 

GRAM
Nothing new.   But I did get a tattoo pretty recently.

 

PHIL
Really, Gram?

 

GRAM

Yes.   It’s really very 3-D.

 

 

LEE
What do you mean by 3-D?

 

GRAM

It’s a rocket.   (starts pulling at her skirt as she faces the audience, her back to her relatives)  It looks like the rocket is flying out of my –

 

ALL
NO!!!!!

(LIGHTS OUT)  END

 

 

End of Play

The play will be available at Off the Wall Publishers

Photo by Martin Adams on Unsplash

Bio:

Leon Kaye has a few published plays with Concord, Playscripts, Brooklyn, Heuer and Off the Wall pub.